i know, i know....its the name of a movie....but somehow this title seems to suit the post the best.The movie was about a young swimmer who gets addicted to the internet and watches porn the whole time(which is NOT my case!)....but finally manages to break his addiction.
It made me think about how i am getting addicted to the internet too these days. There used to be days when i would come from school when i'd switch on the tv immediately and watch those cartoon shows(not coz they r funny...i just love the different colors n shapes n sizes they are of...yes..i know i m wierd..but tats the way i am!), wwf (now wwe) matches with my brother( we use to call ourselves the dudley brothers...hehe..), watch those cooking shows..(slurrp!)...and just watch any kind of crap they showed on tv.
then the tv became too boring and then came the radio...and then the mp3.
Now-a-days however, i am hooked to the internet,completely.I come from college...n am the first of my group of friends to log in to orkut(yes yes the fuckr site(as gunj once said)...tat we hate so much but still cant stay away from), i have my lunch....and then internet.....i take a nap....and then the internet.....i study for a while...n then again internet!......i study late at night....and then at 2 in the morning,hopelessly try to find someone to talk to on msngr or orkut or just anywere else!...its just internet,internet and internet on my mind these days.And whether or not i have my exams makes no difference to me coz....i cant stay away from switching on the computer and surfing the web.My fingers are just craving to type and my mind to lift its spirits by this drug called INTERNET!...
These days it happens quite often coz i've found good friends on blogger....who read and comment on the shitt tat i write on my blog!(tats really nice of u guys...really..:)..)I was never of the out going types...who roam about the whole day with friends doing..'lukkha giri' as they call it.I was always an introvert who loves her home like anything and takes a lot of effort on the part of my friends to drag me out of the house!
Its not like i dont like my real friends anymore...i love them. But somehow blogger allows me to vent my feelings...tat i cant perhaps express in words to my friends.That 's the reason i never give out my blog link to any of my friends nor do i talk about blogging much in front of them.Somehow i feel they wont understand this different side of me....as much as they understand the 'me' tat they know.
So getting back to internet addiction, there was i time when i was hooked to orkut.I used to chat with my friends for hours on end...and then people got too bored of it.But i still liked it and kept logging in to check my scraps every now and then, and when i did not get a scrap..i would just freak out...and even get depressed!...yes you read it right!...depressed.But thats not the case anymore though...it makes no differnce to me whether or not my friends scrap me as long as they call me up once in a while and i do the same and they are aware that i am here, alive!!...I had even deleted my account twice in a fit of anger and frustration.And created an account both those times , almost immediately....coz again....i was addicted to the internet and couldnt keep my hands off it!And when the bill arrives....people are just ready to yell at me and blame me for it!..My parents keep asking me 'what do you do for so long on the computer??'...and i reply...
'ummm.....actually i had to mail those programs to my friends'...'i had to check my mail'(yeah right!)........and they almost,fortunately, buy it!...Its not that i am doing something wrong but i dont know how to explain about 'blogs' and all...and how some things cant be shared with them.
The internet has become like my..'second life'....I sometimes even dont get the desire to eat these days....all i want is to switch on the computer and surf the web...now, tat has NEVER happened before!....I live to eat!....
It's almost an addiction tat i cant get enough of .It's this bitter-sweet seduction tat's driving me insane and at the same time is giving me a chance to be 'me'!...Yes, virtually but... 'me' nevertheless.