Monday, April 7, 2008

memories of 20 yrs.....




20 yrs that's how long its been....
that's the no of yrs i've looked at this world....always through my rose-tinted glasses....always....that's how long....
my parents have borne my tantrums...my horrible mood swings.....seen me laugh and cry....been there for me through the thick and thin......they are like angels sent for me from heaven and i am so lucky to have them.
so as i look back....i remember....
playing with my friends when i was kid...gosh the fun we had!...i never used to
want to come back home!....always wearing the wrong slipper in the wrong feet(always)....that red little frock.....the pink little bunny....my bald head...lolz.....the laziness to walk(my father always had to pick me up...coz i hated walking ).....the times...i kept staring at the setting sun...while all the other kids at the baby sitting were busy playing ......my love for chocolates(back then...not so much anymore)......the way i hated those gloomy rains......the time when i was hell scared when my father was away for some work and the met department had predicted a storm and then finding him at home when i came back from school the same day.....the thousand many crushes i had....and the thousand many times they failed....one in particular which turned out into a month long affair.....the first date....and the nightmare that it turned out to be(30th april 2006...cant never forget that day)....the way i thought about the guy even while i was giving my aiee exam(i scored 23.35.....dont ask out of how many.....thats not worth telling)...after which i was gonna meet him......the way i studied for my exams just a few weeks later....the night i cried as hell when my parents told me off for coming home so late all alone....and the way my brother supported me that day,in a way i had never seen before.....the horse back rides on my brother's back....the way i used to sit in the basket and he used to push the basket like some car.....they way we fought...as if we were enemies(those fights were really bad trust me...).....the day when during one such fight he broke my finger bone(27 th dec 1997.....i m good at remembering dates, am i not?)......the potato races that i won.....the first ranks....and then those 2/25 and 3/25s........the time i jumped from a moving bus for some stupid reason....and walked all the way back home with people staring me......the way i cried on my moms shoulder without telling her the reason why....without telling her how sad i was for losing that guy.....and then she being tired of asking me the reason....gave up and started weeping herself...not knowing how to solve a problem that she dint even know......the past 7 yrs....when i changed into a completely different person, for better or worse i dont know......the self-imposed sadness....the shyness and isolation.....then the joy of having achieving something that i worked so hard for........the enumurous times when i have broken down to tears when i have struggled to find out the right path to follow....what to choose and what not to choose.....not knowing where to go.... then those hugs...the unconditional love that my family gave me....friends turning to foes.....and some people,who i never even cared to think about much, becoming one of my best friends.....and the best of friends leaving for good.......the one time i wanted to see those shooting stars and that clouds that spoiled the excitement.....the feeling when i stood all by myself in the waters of one beach in goa....with eyes closed.....and the song 'angels by robbie williams...playin in my head'....and the relief it gave me.....the many times that i turned to god,prayed really hard and always got more than i wanted....the miracles i saw happening....the faith that my mother had in god that pulled us through every trouble......the moments of madness...the rush....the firting.....the hating......the long phone talks....the fear of meeting someone you've never talked to in person but you always secretly liked.....the tears wetting the pillow covers secretly at night......the fear of losing myself in a thousand faces.....the worries about whether i'll find what i am looking for....if what i want ever exists.....and then finding these faint rays of hope somewhere......having the most amazing friends in the world.....who support me,sometimes even when i was wrong...only bcoz they are 'friends'...dreams that came true...and some which got lost on the way.......being surrounded by people who love you for who you are......
and so much more....
will always miss being a teen...will miss those beautiful life-changing years..... 2 decades....yeah,tats how old i am now!

10 comments:

SambY said...

happy birthday pj !!!

as for the post it was quite good..could relate to it at some parts...could not at most others....

**.then the joy of having achieving something that i worked so hard for...** is something that i have yet to experience in my 20 years and 4 months...u got it before 20....be happy n enjoy ur bday....n PASS THE CAKE PLEASE !!! WISHES DNT COME FREE ANYMORE :p

pj said...

thank u so much!...
well i was talkin abt *some* achievements....there are a lot many to go....but bfore that there are too many pieces tat need to be put together....
and as fr the cake....yeah sure, will send u a virtual cake!!...haha..:)...n ya cakes dnt come free anymore...ever a heard of b'day gifts??...hehe kiddin..;)

Aditi ''Jiggs'' said...

heyaa

happy bday gal
soorii belated:)

well bein 20 n ouuta ur teens is smthin i experienced a few monhts back tooo

wt was quite a description ,but uv just lived 1/5 of ur life theyll be many more memories n days to coem :):)

yaah pllzz i want soem chocolate cake :D:D

cheers
wishin u many moreeee:)

pj said...

thanx aditi! and it's ok if its late...:)....n ya ther will be many memories to come in the remaining 4/5 th life....hope its exactly tat much...tat wud mean i can live till i am 100!..;)...hehe....and i'll send u some choclts fr sure..;)

BIG Omi said...

Wish you had a fabulous Birthday.
Anyways I wish you Belated Happy Birthday and a brand new year ahead and you pursue all your dreams.

Post wa awesome.. i was thinking this morning of comin up with something like this.. whoa.. gosh ... you rocker.. keep rocking..

Tc.
Omi

pj said...

@omi
thanx!...:):):)

Alisha said...

you've summed it all up so beautifully ladki!
i got a few more months of my teenage left...gonna make the most of it:P

pj said...

@alisha...
thank u..:)...perhaps 'coz it came straight from the heart...
btw still a teen haan??....fatte!..hehe...:)...enjoy ur teenage...

The Lover said...

this post is soooooooo gooood. it almost made me cry...sachchi

pj said...

@lover
really?...thnx:):) this one of my favorites too!