Saturday, July 5, 2008

what love means.....

I read this article in TOI this morning and was quite touched by it.It was about Glenn McGrath and his wife and how they went through a lot of hardships when his wife suffered from cancer.
It made me think how people manage to make it through such times together and never once do they get tired of it and leave their partner in such circumstances.It is so difficult to serve those who are ill, to handle their mood swings and help them go through such tough times along with handling their own problems.It can be so frustrating for the person who's taking care of ailing person.
But then amidst all these troubles there is something that gives people the strength to hold on to their partners, their loved ones-LOVE. Yes, love helps conquer all these battles.When all is lost its love that stays back and keeps driving our lives.
When i asked my friend.."how does it feel like when in love?"....and he said.."it's the most beautiful feeling ever.It cant be described".Maybe he was right.There is no definition of love.Its only incidents like these which we come across,the ones that are experienced by others, that make us realize how deep love is.
At first when i read this article i said to myself...'how strong these two people must be to be standing together despite all the troubles'....but then I thought...'maybe they are strong, but their love for each other must be stronger.'....Yes, love has strength....immense strength.

Love is so much more than just gifts, flying kisses,saying "i love you", remembering anniversaries and sex.Its is so much more than these material things.When in love ,initially,these things do matter.They seem so beautiful and romantic.But none of these earthly things stay when you are in deep troubles.They mean nothing when you are bogged down by worries and life hits a low.It is in these testing times that you actually come to know if your love is strong enough or if what you felt all this while was really love.This the time when one actually starts to see beyond all those material things.And when everything else fails...love survives.Over time, as other things start to grow old and start to die in a relationship, it is love that continues to grow stronger.


I remember, when i was about 9 years old, a female used to pass by our building premises where me and my friends played in the evening.Her son was handicapped.He would be seated in a wheel chair and she took him around pushing the wheelchair.It really felt bad to see the boy confined to the chair all the time.But the lady showed no signs of pain, she wore a smile on her face.I would always wonder how she managed to put up a smile when her son was forced to live on a wheelchair all his life.Does she never feel bad about?...Does she never get tired of him?....How hard it must be for?It surely must have been hard for her.But how could she leave her son alone ,who she loved so much?
Back then, i didn't know how powerful the love between two people is.Love binds two people together so strongly, that it is hard to break the ties between them.When in love you cannot just leave your loved one to die and leave him alone in his misery.The lady too must have faced.."i quit,I've had enough" phase in her life.But it was a mother's love for her child that helped her to hold on.Love gives the courage to overcome challenges.It holds people together like a glue when everything seems to be falling apart.

It teaches people to learn to accept their loved ones as they are.We all have our bad traits, none of us is perfect.But what keeps people together is the acceptance of this fact.And it is only when you love the other person that you are able to accept this.Imagine how much our parents love us.Till we grow old they stand by us through thick and thin.No matter how wrong we are and no matter how bad we've been to them,they have a heart big enough to forgive us.They let us be who we are and love us unconditionally.

Yesterday while coming back from college, i had this conversation with my friend H about relationships.Most of her conversations end either with the topic of marriage or children..lol.

H- you know what pj, i dont even feel like talking to this guy anymore.
Me-Yea, its pretty obvious and how does it even make a difference?.....you are just fooling around with him.Didn't u say that yourself once?
H- yea, obviously this is just a casual relationship.It means nothing to me.I am just going around with him for fun.I dont care if it ends.Finally, i will marry the guy my parents choose fo
r me.But before that happens, i just want to flirt and have fun(not that kind..;)).
me- i know life gets boring with the same routine stuff . so its okay to have some fun once in a while.

(both of us smiling )
H- yea, but when i settle down with my man, i would be like the perfect wife...you know ,sita types!
me-(smiling)...yea sure..but how can you just go around with some one and then forget him so easily?
H- life is all about moving on yaar!....i don't wanna get stuck up with these guys.

Me- It's easy for you.Not for everyone.I tend to get easily attached to a person. It's difficult for me to be in a casual relationship.If i am in a realtionship i want to give my everything to the relationship and then expect the other
person to do the same.And that is where i go wrong....i tend to have a lot of expectations from people.And i cant LET GO so easily. I tend to cling on to memories and ruin my life thinking about the person until one day, i finally realise that its time to leave this person behind.
H-hmm....just move on with your life yaar.Waise bhi ye saare toh time pass ke liye hote hai.Arrange marriage is the best option.And then i believe, love happens only after marriage...i can tell you from my cousins' experience.....(and she went on to tell me about the whole thing...)

Perhaps she was right, it is only when people live together for years that they come to know how they feel for each other and they learn to compromise.

H- once i get married I'll be totally committed to him.

yea....but what if after marriage if you start having feelings for someone else?...what if then you feel like having these kind of ..."casual"/"time pass" relationships? Well, yet again the answer to this question brings me back to 'love'. If your love for the person is true it will survive no matter what happens.


Finally, if ever you feel like its the end of the world for you....or that no one really loves you, just close your eyes and pray quietly, from your heart.If you carefully listen to your own self.....you will realise a voice telling you that someone loves you.That He loves you.And He'll always be watching over you and love you more than anyone else.If at all, you have survived so far....its only because He loves you.

So, the bottom line is that, love does not have a definition.It can only be understood when you feel it.And its not always necessary, that this love be for a person of the opposite sex.It can be for your friends , your family, your work, for God, for just about anything in life!.....

12 comments:

Friendly nextdoor guy said...

lovely!!

long but it was worth the read. enjoy!!

pj said...

@friendly nextdoor guy
Thank you so much!..:)

The Lover said...

*Sniff* This was such a beautiful post. I loved reading it! And you're right! If you feel no one loves you, then rest assured. The Big Guy up there does love you! But you already knw that, don't you? ;) read John 3:16

I remember I told you that Love cannot be described which is true. But then main 'The Lover' aisi hi thodi na ban gaya!Here are a few lines from one of my poems that try to describe Love :

"What is love?
To know that we are not alone,
in the pain of the world.
Everything that you hold dear,
is slowly floating away in a sea of regret.
Love just makes you not notice as much."

Ashu said...

lovely, good blog

Sach said...

That was so well written! I think, self love is the most basic form of love.
I somewhere read that there are at least 5 people living on earth who surely love you. So just search for 'em ;)

pj said...

@the lover
yup u are right! and i know tat the Big Guy loves me!!of that, i am dead sure!..:)

@ashu
thank u ashu! thnx fr stoppin by:)

@sach
thank u so much sach!
i din know of that!...i gotto start searchin now!...i know of 2 who love me(my parents) already..:)

Comfortably Numb said...

This is surely one of the longest post ive read in a LONG TIME. But you came out with something worth reading:P
I like it. I dont have much to say about love. And I keep saying this:

Life isnt as complicated as people portray it to be. And life is not so complex for me to think about it a LOT.

CHeers!

pj said...

@comfortably numb
actually i am not too fond of long posts either.....cant b patient enuf to read it full...i try keepin my posts as short as possible...but somehow this one had to be this was...long.
glad tat u liked readin it....:)
and btw u r the frst person i've know n who thinks tat lyf isnt tat complicated!...tat's gr8!
thnx fr stoppin by:)

neha said...

beautiful post!
seems like our thinking matches wen it comes to love.. =)

pj said...

@neha
ya...:) first music and now love...we are so alike!..:)

Achilles's Heel said...

love.. is really hard to imagine.. to understand or to feel.. it not the same as going..out ..or spending time with someone..love neither begs.. nor needs a witness.. neither fears..love is for the ideal..

pj said...

@achilles' heel
so true..:)