Skip to main content


Showing posts from August, 2008

in search of "the way....."

A few days back one of my cousins called up. For a while, the conversation was going all well and then she asked me that one question i always try to avoid....'So what have you decided to do after this(engineering)?' i havent yet decided.....and then to defend myself, i added almost immediately...- i was thinking of giving the GRE but not this sem, in the next one..Damn!!...i wish i just kept my mouth shut sometimes! I always end up saying things i dont really want to say. I could have said,'Yes! I am 20 my life's going nowhere. I am doing a course that I was never sure of taking up in the first place. I am still at life's crossroads. Got a million dreams but still have no aim!!....And I need no further advice.Thank you very much!!"I was never forced by my parents to take up engineering.It was my decision 'coz i hadnt yet figured out back then what i wanted to do. But they didn't appreciate my talents either.I had good drawing s…


The other day, while searching for a term for one of the phobias i have, i stumbled upon this site with a list of all the possible phobias that humans can have.I didnt find the term i was looking for but discovered many other phobias that i happened to be suffering here are a few...

Injections- Trypanophobia
Yup...i used to have this fear once upon a time.I remember this one time,i was abt 9 yrs old, when in, doctors clinic , i did every possible trick to try and save myself from the injection!I fought really hard...but in the end i had to give in.With the doctor's assistant and my mom holding me tightly till the doctor accomplished her mission successfully, how could i move?
Thankfully i have overcome this fear now but looking at those needles in the doctors clinic still gives me a creepy feeling inside..

Iatrophobia-The fear of going to a Doctor
I normally avoid going to a doctor....unless its really really necessary to go to one.The whole atmosphere in and around a clinic …

it's hard to forget....its harder to forgive

Drops of rain
that touched the skin,
sent a shiver through my body..
they pricked like a pin.

The breeze that blew
through my hair
felt like a storm
singing songs of despair.

Every single thing
reminds me of you
Coz you were special,
a dream come true.

Nights are scary now
mornings so blue
I dream no more
coz in them i fear, i'd see you.

You said it was fate..
that it was meant to be.
If you had to leave
why did u seek me?

Was distance that separates us
the only single reason?
Or something I should know
is still hidden?

That we'd be far away
we both always you knew..
yet you didn't mind before
and said ' love you'?

Perhaps in a sea of faces
you found a beautiful one
Me you chose, to forget..
me you chose, to shun.

I put the blame on Him
But He wasnt wrong
I put the blame on you...
but you werent wrong either..
so should I be guilty...
am I the sinner?

What was on your mind
is best known to you...
He had his own reasons
He had plans too.

I am the one left behind
The joke is on me
I made a fool outta myself

Fuck all you problems! fuck you big time!!!

Untill yesterday everything was going right and everything seemed hunky-dory.And then suddenly someone just pushes you in a ditch and you are left alone and you are expected to be OKAY....what do you do?....
You blame yourself, you blame the other person, you blame god you blame everyone around you...and try finding answer to that one bloody question that always raises its ugly headtime and again in life..."WHy me???"....Then you look around and see people going though the same and feel ...'so its not just me then..'Yeah there are a lot many people asking...'why me' apart from you alone so its not just you.Everyone has their share of problems.Some choose to speak about it some dont.Doesnt mean that those who speak about their problems are grumble boxes. Its just that they need someone to hear their problems and console them coz they are a wee bit weak.I guess I am just one of those people.But life has pushed me in these ditches so many times before that i no l…


Last night when i was feeling a bit low, I got a call from my friend Kj.She phoned to discuss something about the fucking assignment we had to submit.We talked for a long time and abused the professors a bit(you know the same usual stuff).And then broke into a laughter at one of our silly jokes.We literally laughed our asses off....and at times for no reason at all!!.....we just wondered why did we actually laugh so much!!.....I felt so good and light hearted.Trust me for the time we were on the phone we laughed more than we talked!
Anyway,the reason i mentioned this incident is that I feel so lucky to have such friends, who are there for me at my beck and call.I just need to push a button on my cell phone and there, someone's on the line who i can share my problems with, who listens to me and assures me that everything will be fine.If not the phone, then i just walk out of my house and a few walks away i know there will be one door that will open for me and shelter me from my tro…